The Hedgehog Dilemma
Humans beings can be quite prickly creatures at times. . .
If you’ve ever felt a little irritable and gloomy and taken it out on the people around you then the Hedgehog Dilemma may give you an interesting take on why this is.
The Hedgehog Dilemma is a lovely short story that explains the complex nature of human intimacy. Originally told by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer in the 19th century, it was later given a different interpretation by the founder of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud.
The story starts out with a lone hedgehog on a cold day in winter. Given the grueling temperature the hedgehog seeks to shield itself by finding some shelter. After a long search it finds others of its kind and the group huddles together to stay warm, but because of the spines that cover the hedgehogs backs they inevitably prick and injure one another.
The dilemma that the hedgehogs face is to either withstand the brutal cold or huddle together and get painfully pricked. Eventually, after poking each other and retracting several times the animals discover that they can maintain a safe enough distance at which to still create warmth whilst not harming each other.
Schopenhauer believed that this interaction between hedgehogs is comparable to the interactions between people. He likened the disagreeable qualities of people to the quills of a hedgehog and stated that although people seek warmth and closeness from others in relationships there’s an inevitable pain that occurs when intimacy is not accompanied by a minimum amount of distance. Schopenhauer suggested that the best possible solution was for humans to learn to create their own warmth. This way they would not have to rely solely on others for comfort.
Although, Schopenhauer was clear in naming our self-seeking nature as the primary reason that we hurt the people who we desire to be close to, he was not as clear in naming what our “internally generated warmth” might be.
A few ideas come to mind. . .
Schopenhauer might’ve been referring to a necessary amount of self-love, to inner passion, or even to a sense of individuality that helps one to not lose themselves in others. All of these interpretations from a psychological point of view would be SPOT ON.
Psychotherapy in fact, is specifically targeted to help an individual to generate their own “internal warmth”.
In therapy your psychologist’s main goal is for you to accept and love yourself in your entirety (flaws and all), to help you find your voice, and to live in a manner that fulfills you as opposed to meeting the expectations that society places on you.
Since life exists in a delicate balance, this confidence in self and the ability to stand alone needs to exist hand in hand with our need to belong.
Humans are innately social and we draw a lot of significance from our connection to our family, friends, and community at large.
Social researchers(Maner, DeWall, Baumeister, & Schaller, 2007) have found that the desire for interpersonal attachment is innate to all humans. People who lack positive relationships are likely to experience loneliness, jealousy, depression, anxiety, guilt and have weaker immune systems. In addition, being excluded from a social group causes an emotional reaction that’s similar to physical pain.
Schopenhaurs hedgehogs provide us with a beautiful example of the synergy that comes with being comfortable within our own skin whilst still valuing and nurturing our relationships with others. Humans beings just like hedgehogs need space for themselves and close bonds with others.
It may sound like hard task balancing these two requirements, but surely if the hedgehogs were able to do it then so can we.
References
Maner, J. K., DeWall, C. N., Baumeister, R. F., & Schaller, M. (2007). Does social exclusion motivate interpersonal reconnection? Resolving the "porcupine problem". Journal of personality and social psychology, 92(1), 42–55. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.92.1.42
Baumeister, Roy & Leary, Mark. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological bulletin. 117. 497-529. Retrieved from: file:///C:/Users/ramas/Documents/blog%20posts%20for%20website/Need_to_BelongPB1995.pdf
What is the Hedgehog Dilemma?. (2017, June 5). Retrieved from: https://www.treehugger.com/what-is-the-hedgehogs-dilemma-4863607